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Articles - Center
for Dyslexia - NAPSEC - Embracing
the Monster
Presidents Service Award
Author: Veronica Crawford
Reprinted with Permission from: Learning Disabilities Association
of America
Printed Date: September 2002
Date Posted on this Website: October 22, 2002
Embracing the Monster is an interesting book with an unusual format. It
focuses on the life of a young woman with hidden handicaps who relates
her story sequentially, beginning with her early life and moving into
adulthood. At the end of each chapter, Larry B. Silver, M.D., offers his
comments in a section entitled Insights and Interventions. The final two
chapters serve as outstanding resources. Tips and Tools describes the
behaviors of individuals with 4 hidden handicaps and explains how to help
them and finally, Understanding Hidden Disabilities: A Road Map, by Dr.
Silver, provides a guide for understanding various hidden disabilities.
This book is the poignant story of Veronica who struggles throughout her
life, finally learning that her failures are the result of many hidden
disabilities. After years of failure, difficulty coping with her problems,
and deep despair, she is diagnosed with
attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, learning disabilities, sensory integrative
disorder, and bipolar disorder. She cites numerous incidents which illustrate
how profoundly her hidden handicaps have affected her feelings of self-worth.
Several of these experiences prove to be especially insightful and provide
the story around which all other parts of the book revolve.
Veronica always knew that she was different. Initially, she experienced a delay in acquiring language and when she began speaking at age 3, she frequently used the wrong words, such as asking for milk when she really wanted juice. She knew what she wanted, but the wrong words came out. She was frustrated! Though I can't remember exact events, I can remember the feelings ..., a theme that is repeated throughout the book.
Initially, Veronica was eager to learn, but soon found school a place
of misery. In elementary school, she was able to do things like riding
a bike and memorizing poems, and was an excellent organist, but identifying
and sequencing the letters of the
alphabet were beyond her. She didn't understand much of the instruction,
reading was a nightmare and her own intelligence led her to believe that
she was stupid. She survived the early grades by being silent, by smiling,
and by looking up at the teacher at
the appropriate times. Thus, she developed a coping strategy that met
her immediate needs, and only much later did she realize that it was self-defeating.
Socially, Veronica did well in high school. She had a few friends, both
boys and girls, and enjoyed an active social life. Academically, the days
were painful. When she had to produce higher level work, she felt dumb,
as though she were a complete failure, and often had to cheat to pass.
She also had more teachers, some of whom were kind, but others who were
insensitive to her difficulties. One in particular, yelled at her and
showed the entire class a test on which she had made an "F."
By eleventh grade, Veronica took as many elective classes as possible
in areas in which she could do well; however, she still struggled in the
required academic courses and felt even more stupid. With the help of
friends, she managed to pass her courses
and graduate, but began to experiment with illegal substances which she
used as a means of denying the reality of her situation.
Veronica enrolled in college but soon found herself failing again. One
of her professors was concerned enough to look at her notes and suggested
that she might have a learning disability. She had never heard this before-only
that she wasn't trying hard enough.
He recommended that she be tested by the Evaluation Center. The results
were both a shock and a relief as she heard that she had dyslexia, dysgraphia
and dyscalculial. She had always been told that she failed because she
didn't try hard enough, but now
she realized that her difficulty with learning wasn't because she hadn't
tried and it wasn't because she was dumb. She had hidden disabilities!
Still uncertain of her ability to be successful as a student, Veronica
dropped out of school and began to work. When problems surfaced in her
new position, she recognized that her
disabilities went with her and that they always would. The selfdoubt and
feelings of inadequacy returned, but in searching for help, she discovered
a powerful ally, Vocational Rehabilitation Services, sought their assistance,
and reentered college.
With the support of the VR counselor and the learning specialists, Veronica
graduated and began to seek a position in which she could use her strengths:
speaking, life skills, her degree in psychology, and her experiences as
an adult with hidden
disabilities. She was hired, and at first received the on-the-job support
she needed, and did well; however, when a new manager took over, he was
dissatisfied with her performance and once again she felt like a failure.
Rather than getting fired, she quit.
Severe depression followed Veronica's decision to give up her job, but
she sought counseling and soon thereafter, was diagnosed with another
problem - bipolar disorder. Medication evened out her mood swings and
she began to realize that she really wanted
to make a career of helping people with hidden handicaps. She used her
networking skills to set up her own business and quickly gained several
clients to whom she provided guidance in how to become independent, how
to find job training programs, and how to decide on a career at which
they were likely to succeed. In addition, she demonstrated how they could
advocate for themselves and explained how to know when to disclose or
not disclose their disabilities. She shared with them her acceptance of
her own hidden handicaps, the monster she referred to in the title of
this book, and told them, it is a part of me, but only a part of me...
From Dr. Silver's road map, readers will gain considerable knowledge of
the various disabilities which, like Veronicas, are easily overlooked.
He cites many examples of such missed opportunities in which educational
interventions could have improved her performance and eased her painful
struggles. Most importantly, his insights complement her story and provide
the reader with a deeper understanding of Veronica's hidden
disabilities.
Within the unique format of Embracing the Monster, readers
will find not only a valuable resource but a moving account of the failures
and successes that individuals with hidden handicaps endure. Veronica's
courage, resilience, and determination are inspiring and will be particularly
helpful to young adults who are having problems similar to hers. Her honesty
in sharing her academic, professional and personal difficulties is admirable
and
will help others to understand themselves and believe that they, too,
can succeed.
Visit the Center for Dyslexia at dyslexia.mtsu.edu
